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Love and Relationship

Dating Diaries: The Bartenders

I'm Catie!

I'm a lover of mixing the spiritual with the strategic, and sharing my ongoing quest for growth and expansion.  I share what I learned, what I would do differently, and what's helped so that it might help you too.

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If you have been around here long enough, you know that I am not shy in telling you that while I now get to enjoy the freedom that entrepreneurship affords, there was a long time that this was not the case.

My final year practicing law while building my business was intense, to say the least.

My schedule was:

  • Wake up at 6am and take a pre-work out drink that was right beside my bed;
  • Roll out of bed, grab a coffee, and head to a work-out;
  • Go, in the dark, to a spin class or Barry’s Bootcamp class by 6:30am;
  • Come home, meditate, journal, read a Course in Miracles, set intentions for the day;
  • Shower, get ready for work;
  • Walk 25 minutes to the office;
  • Begin work around 9:15am;
  • Work all day as a litigation lawyer and bill 200 hours OVER my target so that no one (the Partners) could ever argue to me that I was spending too much time on my side-hustle;
  • Take a lunch hour – go for a walk, get lunch, sit down and have 20 minutes to myself;
  • Spend the other 30 minutes of lunch hour left writing an instagram post and responding to messages, and writing back to any coaching related e-mails;
  • Leave work, have dinner…
  • Spend from 7pm to 10pm either writing content, taking coaching calls, reading for more content ideas, hosting Circles, speaking at events, running workshops, or…seeing girlfriends once or twice a month
  • Go to bed, exhausted having not had a little break for myself since the morning or 20 minutes at lunch and..do it all over again

I look back at this time and am shocked I did it.

I also though see that during the time that that was my life – I was so passionate about what I was doing that none of it ever felt overwhelming.

In addition, you’ll note that I religiously practiced meditation, journaling, and connecting in with the Universe through a spiritual practice…every. single. day.

This kept me sane, energized and inspired.

How the Bartenders Work Into This

At this point in my life with the above schedule, I really wanted to meet my person, obviously…

One of my best friends was getting married that year, and I was starting to feel more and more acutely how “far behind” I felt I was from all my friends in relationships.

And yet – do you see my schedule?!?!?

This time in my life was a necessary evil – I really did not want to give up my cushy, safe law job without a solid foundation, and it took significant time, dedication and honestly sacrifice to build a business bridge I could safely walk into.

In any event, during this time, I thought I was still available for love, because I didn’t want to admit that I was in a stage where love couldn’t be a priority.

I thought that if I admitted that I was truly too busy for love, that it would never find me.

This is incorrect.

Lesson: It is Totally Okay to Honestly be in a stage where you are unavailable for love. Whether it’s because you are too busy, healing, or prioritizing something else – this does not mean that this stage will last forever, and it does not mean that love won’t find you when you are meant to

The important thing is just to be honest with yourself about whether you are in a stage where you are truly available for love, or whether you aren’t.

So many of us don’t want to admit we aren’t available, or, on the flip side, might think that we are too busy when really we aren’t and just aren’t prioritizing love.

The Universe taught me this really sweet lesson during this time that was – GIRL YOU ARE NOT. YOU HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO…BUT…HAVE FUN 😉

Enter: The Bartenders

I was working literally all the time and so was definitely not out very much.

However, as you will note, I had about 2 nights a month I would go out with girlfriends.

And you know what kept happening on those nights?

I would go out, think that the bartenders at the restaurants or bars were hot, would end up flirting with them, and then would be asked out by them, and then would try and figure out where in my schedule I could date them.

I couldn’t escape the pattern for a couple of months: every person I met I had a flirty connection with or was attracted to during that time was a bartender.

I even was once hosting a meditation workshop as part of a big personal growth event, and instead of clicking with any of the myriad of men there open to spirituality and growth, I ended up clicking with the bartender they hired who had no idea how he ended up there.

The truth was, the next day I was never super stoked on the bartenders I met. I had been a bartender myself for many years, and I knew how gruelling that lifestyle was. I didn’t think that long term I would be compatible with someone living that lifestyle.

Furthermore, my schedule was insane, and their schedules were the opposite of mine, so it was hard to ever actually date any of them, and yet, the Universe kept sending them to me.

What I was more curious about was why I had suddenly attracted in a pattern of bartenders.

Your Patterns Show You Insight

Who you are attracting in gives you so much insight into where you are at and what the Universe wants you to see.

I already knew this lesson that this point, so when bartenders kept coming my way, I knew the Universe was teaching me something.

In the same way that my pattern of dating Entrepreneurs was a massive catalyst in helping me see that the Universe was leading me into entrepreneurship, or my phase of dating deeply spiritual men was leading me through a deeper exploration of myself, my bartender pattern was leading me to something, I just wasn’t sure what yet.

The Bartender Phase Lesson

I reflected on this and asked the Universe to illuminate for me why this pattern was arising.

This is why I had this phase and what I was meant to be shown in it:

  • The bartenders were all SO fun and SO playful. The Universe was mirroring this to me to show me that I was all work and NO play, and could learn a lot from these guys about fun and play. Every time I met a new one they made my nights so fun and I had a blast. It was just the medicine I needed at the time. Little gifts from the Uni.
  • All of the bartenders I clicked with also had other passions and side hustles, but were committed to working as a bartender at the time to make things work. Just like me. I was also attracting in bartenders because in a lot of ways we were in a similar life stage of having a job that paid the bills, while also following what we were passionate about in our spare time. We often attract what we are.
  • Because our schedules were so opposite, it never really worked to date these guys. However, this was also a good reminder for the Universe that I, in fact, had almost zero time to date when it came down to trying to schedule something. This helped remind me that I wasn’t really available for dating and love at that time, and after that, decided to own that I really wasn’t in a space in my life where I could be dating, which was okay.

You Attract in What You Are, or What You Need to Grow Into

I attracted in these guys because they were mirroring both where I was at (a space of hustling for my dreams) while also, perhaps more importantly, reminding me that I needed to not be so serious and have some fun.

It’s actually so perfect to see why I attracted these guys in during that time in my life, and a couple of months later, when the circumstances of my life changed when I gave notice to my law firm that I was leaving, so, too, did this pattern shift.

This is why I think the Universe is so clever in dating, it’ll guide us to what we need, to show us things we can’t see, and to help mirror back to us where we are at and what we need to look at.

If you want to learn to approach your love life with more ease and grace, and to call in your big love relationship, you should join the Big Love Course. Learn more here.

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3/5 generator. scorpio sun/rising + capricorn moon. adventure lover.

Hi, I'm Catie. I love humans, chatting, and how to live life of meaning and purpose.  

I started this blog as a way for me to share more of my writing about everything from how to strengthen your intuition, find your purpose, and call in partnership, to my favourite travel destinations and tips. 

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