I recently had an old photographer that I used to work with reach out to me letting me know that the photos we took together were expiring.
The photos were taken in April, 2019 and I remember this day so vividly.
I had just gotten back from the trip I took to NYC where I matched on Hinge with Chris.
While this trip was significant for that reason, it was more significant because I changed that trip.
Or more accurately, I let myself be changed that trip.
I let myself evolve that trip.
In a new city where I barely knew a soul, I could try being someone new.
I spent 5 days there that trip letting myself play with being a new version of myself.
This was at a time in my life where I was in a process of rediscovering who I was.
I grew up in Toronto and so much of who I have been is anchored there. This is a really beautiful thing, but can also be stifling. I was having trouble connecting with my authentic self in that moment because in the city, I was reminded all the time of who I had been before.
I loved Toronto, I just needed to leave it for a few days to help me get some space from my identities in order to figure out who I had become.
Furthermore, I had left my law practice a year before this, and was exploring what my personal style was as a business owner, life coach, and priestess. It was a big departure from my old life, and my old pencil skirts and button down shirts didn’t align with my new career path.
I needed, again, to leave my day to day for a bit to explore new ways of expressing myself.
So…for that and many other reasons…I went to NYC.
How I Played with a New Me on that trip
On those days away, I was actively playing with: who is the me I am becoming?
I took that time and space away from my home, and instead let NYC guide me.
How to Begin – “Try On” New Ways of Being and Doing
I went to the Class by Taryn Toomey every day. I shook it off, sweat, and released a ton, and also got a taste of what it might be like to move my body outside of my regular yoga practice.
In “trying on” new forms of movement and being the type of person who could use movement to release energy and push myself to let go, I found that I really enjoyed it as a balance to yoga.
I played with being the energy of someone who dressed herself up and took herself out for fun dinners where she chatted with strangers.
I took myself out for fun dinners, made conversation with strangers at the restaurants, and let the Universe guide the people who I was meant to play with that weekend come find me (and they did! I met SO much people synchronistically that weekend so didn’t actually end up having a ton of time to myself!!).
In “trying on” that energy, I decided that it actually felt really natural and fun, and that I wanted to continue to be the type of person who did that.
I really played with fashion that trip and let myself try a lot bolder styles than I would have been comfortable wearing in Toronto.
I also went on a full shopping spree and came with back a bunch of new outfits, which I wore in the photos.
I was “trying on” being someone who had fun with her clothes, and was learning what my personal style was and what made me comfortable.
I ended up adopting a lot of what I was wearing and experimenting with then into what I regularly wear now.
I “tried on” living in Manhattan.
I would walk around every day and imagine what it would be like to live there. It felt so liberating – although intimidating.
I was happy to be back in Toronto after my trip, but resolved that I would continue to make regular trips to Manhattan to help me activate that liberating energy….
Little did I know that a soulmate and a pandemic later, the Universe would move me directly across the river from the hotel I stayed at in Manhattan that trip, where I could have all the fun of Manhattan a short 7 minute subway ride away, while also giving me a space, a community, and a peacefulness that truly exists in Hoboken.
Who I wanted to Become
After I got back from my trip, I was determined to keep on embodying this new energy.
The energy of someone who was liberated.
Someone who had a successful business and was confident.
Someone who spent a lot of time in Manhattan.
Someone who understood her personal style, and had it be a reflection of who she was.
Someone who moved her body in new and fun ways, and used movement as a tool to release energy.
Someone who dressed up and took herself out to meals where she would chat with strangers.
Someone who cared less what other people thought.
Someone who let herself evolve.
Photo Shoot From That Time – April 18, 2019
Soon after I got back, these photos were taken.
I was wearing the new outfits I had bought.
Interestingly, a lot of this style remains…when I’m not in sweatpants around the house, I wear jeans, a plain tank top, and a statement blazer or jacket almost every day.
You’ll notice that I was wearing big earrings – something I was playing with at the time….I still wear those! I learned that trip that I absolutely love big earrings to spice up an otherwise understated look.
You’ll notice that my hair was dark brown then because I was experimenting with what hair colour felt best to me – I then ended up dying my hair SUPER blonde during the pandemic – only to now come back to a colour that’s “bronde” and what I feel best with.
I also still wear a lot of long dresses day to day!
The only thing that made me laugh was all the HEELS!!! Look at those fancy heels.
I was still trying to be sex and the city, until I realized that heels and my lifestyle don’t mix. I love that I was really trying it though!
I was laughing when I saw these photos because at the time it felt like I was “trying on” this new look to help me embody the woman I had envisioned, and now I see the photos and think “oh I totally became the woman I was trying to embody in those photos!”
I now live in the NYC area and work in my favourite part of the city that I discovered that trip, am confident in my business and it’s ongoing growth, still take myself out to meals solo (more lunches these days because I do my dinner dates with Chris!) and dress up, and spend time wandering the city.
I was trying to become her, and now am her.
And now, I’m evolving into someone else.
This is the process.
The ever-evolving nature of ourselves.
Embody First, Manifest Second
It reminded me that the key really is to first EMBODY, and then to trust that everything will manifest perfectly.
At the time, I really had to try and “act as if” I was the woman I wanted to become, and then it happened.
The key when it comes to manifesting really is to “act as if” your goals have already happened, and then it will.
The way I like to teach this is that it can be helpful to imagine the person that you would be if your goals had already been achieved, or your future vision realized, and then start to act like her today.
What does she wear?
How does she spend her time?
What does she make time for?
What does she say yes to?
What does she say no to?
What inspires her?
It’s generally easier for people to focus on who they are becoming to tap into the “act as if” part of the manifestation equation than it is to really feel in your body what it would be like if you achieved your goals.
I want you to imagine a future version of yourself, or the type of person you would like to become.
Now – do ONE thing this week that she would do.
Maybe you start to dress like her.
Maybe you start to move like her.
Maybe you ask for a raise like her 🙂
Focus on the you that you are becoming and then make baby steps to be her now…and trust from there that eventually it will all come together and you will land into that reality!
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