Coming Home to Who You Really Are - enlightenment described

"Those Who Dance Are Considered Insane by Those Who Can’t Hear the Music"

Last year, this exact same time, I hopped on a plane to Costa Rica after being led there through a series of synchronicities. What I thought I was going to do was catch rays, do some yoga, and connect with some new people.

What happened was drastically different.

Instead I was faced with the methodical dissolution of everything I thought I was - a total dissolution of "self", realizing that all constructs I had - and we all have - about who I am is merely a construct and not true. They're just an idea in our mind and an illusion.

Looking up at the sun for early sun gazing with our shaman with my heart exploding with intense surges of loving energy, I realized that "I am" just spirit - essence - a being grounding the same light as the sun. I AM source. I AM the universe. I am not a self or "Catie". I was and only ever am - love. "I am" just another part of nature, just as everything else is. There is no control, just unfolding.

Dissolving your entire construct of self and separation is no effing joke. It was really scary - if I'm not this - everything I thought I was - then what AM I. I am just a being... being? Watching it all unfold like a flower does? How do I even function in a world that also has been given meaning that isn't real? I ended up learning to support on Mother Nature to support me, guide me and protect me while I contemplated these questions.

It took me a long time to integrate that realization, and now, a year later, I feel ready to jump back into the jungle to dissolve and release anything else left between me and the illusion of separation that still lingers.

All there ever was, and is, is the essence of spirit/source/God in everything. It is spontaneously unfolding in perfect alignment, always.

In the meantime, for this trip, more yoga, more rays, and hopefully less of a smackdown than I had last year.

My excitement comes from being so enthused about the infinite possibilities for how each moment will unfold - the magic, the love, and the transformation that I am sure are on the other side.

Adventure without the Airplane

How to cultivate adventure without getting on an airplane✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️

I was thinking a lot about this as I get ready to hop on another plan for another adventure. As it turns out - going on vacations don't actually make us that much happier, according to the studies. Planning trips, booking our ticket does.

As such, the question becomes how to we cultivate ADVENTURE in our daily lives?

Here's the kicker: everyday is an adventure because we never know what's going to happen. The key to cultivating a sense of adventure it to look at all the things that happened each day that we had NO idea were going to happen when we woke up that day. If things are feeling a little too routine then it could be time to intentionally switch things up in a small way by changing the route you walk, what you eat, or what you read.

The World Shines For You

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." - Roald Dahl

Adventure is available every day. What things happened today you didn't know were going to happen? That's where the magic lies. We never know everything that is going to happen, and if you feel like you had things on LOCK today and did know... well then, look up.

Look outside at the moon. The closest it's been since 1948. Breathe it in. I guarantee you didn't expect your heart to feel that way.

Because magic is available everyday. Adventure is available to us every day - if we choose to see it. It lies in the unknown.

Anytime you're lacking magic and a sense of adventure in your life. Look up. Look at the moon and how it changes each night. Look at the sun and how much it decided to come out that day. Look at whether there were clouds. Every day is different. So above - down below. Every day is different and its beauty lies in that. Expect magic and a sense of adventure and it'll follow you wherever you go. Keep exploring warriors. 

Ask and It Is Given

“Ask and it is given. Believe and you shall receive."

I was at a spiritual film festival the other week and was listening to the celestial sounds of Iasos in a deep meditation when these words echoed in my mind. Esther Hicks and Abraham also wrote a booked called "ask and it is given." Since it interrupted my meditation, it's a message that we need to hear.

How often do we desire something but then fail to ask? Because we want to be nice. To go with the flow. To be put another's needs above our own. To keep the status quo. To believe it's not possible.

Two questions: what do you want right now - and have you asked for it?

So often we don't ask. We don't ask the people in our life to help support us in what we need. We don't ask the universe/God/source to support us either. We're unclear. We waver.

Be intentional about what you want - and then ask.

This could be something big like a new opportunity, partner, lover, or adventure - OR it could be more innocuous.

I need to take it easy before my trip next week. What I need is to be as gentle with myself as possible right now and to cleanse to prepare for the jungle. I had dinner plans yesterday with an old friend. Typically we have big dinners out with many delicious things and full bodied wine. It was such a small example of “ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED.” What I needed instead of our usual routine was to have an early, low key dinner at a cleanse friendly vegan restaurant. My mind went over reasons why I shouldn’t suggest this: from my friend wouldn’t like it to I really love big dinners out and want to break my cleanse and go for it, but I chose to ask for what would support me MOST right now.

I asked for what I wanted and it was granted. I had a delicious dinner that was part of my cleanse and was in bed early.

What do you want? ASK. 

We Begin With Honesty

Being real with what's true.

I re-read a journal entry today from 10 years ago where I candidly exposed to myself my own truth in the lined pages of a drug store notebook: what was up with me in that moment of time - what I was struggling with, excited about, nervous about and shameful about. step one is always to just admit what's really up and to write it - uncensored - on paper. This. Is where. I'm at. Right now.

I used to struggle with that - not wanting to put onto the page what was really up for me. Now I allow.

But I laughed because I wrote TODAY about some of the same struggles I wrote about a decade ago. While so much of my life has changed in incredible, awesome ways - certain unwavering patterns and truths to my ego mind are an undercurrent. It takes a lifetime to continually unravel our patterns.

The ego mind, which is everything we have been taught we are from every circumstance and encounter in our life, leaves DEEP patterning in the brain and the psyche. That's okay!!!

In every moment we just have to witness it and choose to react in the same way - or to choose again. To choose radical self acceptance, or peace, or love, or to advocate for our needs. .
What I wanted to remind you of is: it's okay that you've been doing the work, and that despite all that, you're faced with some of the same issues. They'll come up again and again and you'll be called again and again to choose again and choose again and choose again. Its learning to live your truth. It's the path of the warrior and you've got this. 

We are Waking Up - Collective Consciousness

We are at a massive tipping point in our collective consciousness - which means our old ways of thinking, judging, and living are crumbling so that they can be built anew. The darkness hiding in the corners of our societies is being illuminated.

The unknown is scary. But as always, there are two choices: choose love or choose fear.

See all of the releasing that's already happening? People crying at the the realization that we have less control than we thought we did. What we can control is how we choose to show up each day. With love - or to shut down, retreat, and disconnect. All the judgments and hatred and DARKNESS that is being thrust into the spotlight so that it can be RELEASED.

Just like with our feelings, sweeping it under the rug, pretending the feeling doesn't exist, won't make it go away. It needs to be seen, fully, and witnessed before it can be released.

I'm with you, my love warriors, the path of the warrior is not easy but now, more than ever, it's our job to show up every day, including today choosing love, connection and grace in each moment.

Love Where You Are - It's Where You're Supposed to Be

Loving where you're at. The past is gone - the future is uncertain - the only thing we have is the present.

Are you in an egg right now? A quieter time of contemplation and reflection? Be there. Savour it.

Are you in a time of serious expansiveness or growth or madness at work? Be there. Be fully there.

Are you in a time of the unknown - watching new people come into your life and trying to peek forward at what the end of the story is? Enjoy the gift of new experiences and connection. Be there.

Are you stressed about all the darkness being uncovered in the world? Witness that. Remember where you are at this moment in history during this shift in the world.

Be fully there. In all of it. In wherever you're at right now. It's a season for you - right now, doing whatever you're doing. This too shall pass, whatever it is. So savour it. Deepen into it. Feel into all the feelings of this moment and be with this season of your life. Enjoy it for what it is. Because everything is ALWAYS changing. Life is ALWAYS moving, ebbing forward, twisting in new directions and the key is to bring it ALL in, in the present, only to let it go in the very next moment to be swept away again with something new. Flow on, love warriors.

As You Get Closer to Your Goal - You Need to Let Go More

When things don't go our way, we get disappointed, frustrated, mad or upset, but we don't get to CHOOSE how things unfold. We just get to choose how we perceive it.

Things are unfolding in a way to support your growth or bring you toward your goals, even when it doesn't seem that way. Is the thing that didn't go your way or work out the way you thought actually the thing you need right now? The answer is: NO If it were supposed to be another way... it would BE that way. Can you notice instead where the FLOW is taking you TO right now, and what it's taking you AWAY from.

The idea is also that as you get closer to the goal, or a new level of awareness, or a big breakthrough - the universe supports you by helping lead you away anything that's not in alignment with that unfolding.

As you get closer to the end, the pace speeds up and even more things drop away that aren't in alignment with that goal. It's the last stretch of the race where your legs are burning but you sprint it out and you blur out any of the noise of the sidelines. The final minutes of the playoff game where the end is so close that your focus gets so clear, so precise, and so present that all you have to think about is getting that ball into that net. Everything else drops away.

That's okay that things are changing - you're being led in a specific direction for a specific reason. You're being led in the direction of your dreams, which means that things that are superfluous are getting dropped or are moving away from you.

I have a big experience/goal happening in Costa Rica in two weeks that I know I have to be in a certain space - mind, body and spirit - to receive. I've had SO many plans in the past little while fall through for reasons outside of my control but I've chosen to see it as a big blaring sign that the FLOW I'm being pulled in right now is to slow down, do less, and conserve my energy so I can catapult forward in my highest vibe to receive the magic of what's to come. Where's your flow leading you? 

Adventure in the Unknown

Adventure in the unknown

I booked another trip today. I’m going to Tulum in February. Adventure excites me. But I also was in my routine today. I woke up, went for a run, went to a deposition for work, took the subway, saw my familiar law friends, drank coffee at the coffee shop I always do, took a break to read a book I am newly obsessed with. – and yet, I was reminded of what I heard a spiritual teacher I adore, Byron Katie, say when I saw her in SF last year “every day is exciting because YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN”.

Those words echoed to me this morning. While actual adventures to new countries and places to soak up sites we have never seen, and play with our senses and dance under a new constellation of stars is invigorating – they aren’t the only way to cultivate adventure in our lives.

Every day has the potential to be a massive adventure, because it is. We never know what’s going to happen, and it’s in that unknown that our spirits stay free and our hearts stay open. And our spirits long to be free, and our hearts to stay open.

We all long to be at peace, but also to be wild. To stay wild. Adventure keeps our wildness alive. Invigorated. Infused with magic and mystery and possibility.

So I invite you today to think about why things happened today that you didn’t know were going to happen. Think about it. Even the most mundane thing. “I didn’t know I would run into person X.” “I didn’t know I would come across that article.” “I didn’t know I would eat that meal.” “I didn’t know I would get that good news.” “I didn’t know I would catch a glimmer of the clouds in the sky against the multi-colours of the trees from high above an office tower and it would take my breath away.” BOOM. Magic all around, always. Keep shining, love warriors. 

What Story Are You Ready to Call Bullshit On?

What story are you ready to call bullshit on?

There are a myriad of bullshit stories we tell ourselves about we can and can't do, do and do not like, is or is not for us - and whether we can challenge ourselves to rewrite the story.

I ran a half marathon in the fall because I called bullshit on the story that I was a bad runner. Do you have a story you've attached to about an activity that isn't for you that you used to like?

Maybe it's painting, maybe it's writing, maybe it's dancing, maybe it's simply being more friendly to others.

Whatever it is - if there's a part of you that longs to do it or loved to when you were a kid, can you allow yourself to call bullshit on the story and choose to write a new one instead??

You Are the Guru

You are the guru. You are the guru. You are the guru.

Let that sink in. Nothing outside of you is the guru - the guru is inside of you. Once you connect with your inner guru, dwelling deep within your heart, you have an alchemy take place... an unravelling of all that you were, and tuning into that which you already are: pure love.

When you're in that state, things get quiet. It's just you and your heart. Your inner guru burning brightly. It's silent. Then you observe and experience the outside world in a new way. Using all your senses, you see the whole world as the guru too, just waiting for you to see your reflection in it. By listening, clearly, you can see that every person you meet is the guru too. They are reflecting back to you - YOU.

Whenever a person comes into your life - get excited. The guru has appeared. See what lessons they offer you. See your lightness or darkness reflected in them. What you see in them IS a reflection of you. "They're so beautiful." - YOU see the beauty in you. "They're self absorbed." - YOU have lingering shadow about that waiting to be worked through. "They are so fun!" - YOU may need to tap into play more. See how others are always being put into your own path for the guru - you - to reflect, clear, and deepen more about where you're at on your path and how you can grow more.

Think about the people who have most recently come into your life. They are showing you your light and your dark. Allow them to teach you, but remember, you are the guru.

How To Get Over a Bad Mood

How to get out of a bad mood: "help me to see this differently."

A course in miracles teaches that the holy instant - the moment you shift your thinking away from fear, resistance, anger, judgment or negativity and back to LOVE - is always one thought away... we just have to choose it
I had a case of the Friday RAWRs. It's rainy, super dark and I slept through my alarm. Since I was late, I had to get on the streetcar. As I was walking to the stop with the rain pummelling into my face and the lingering feeling that I really just wished I was cozy in bed - I asked for the instant: "help me to see this differently." 

As soon as I got on the streetcar and a disheveled man came up to me "isn't it nice we can still wear outfits like this at this point in October?" he said pointing to my running shoes, bare legs and light jacket. The holy instant. "YES. It IS amazing." He said "enjoy it. The cold is coming in fast." Perception changed: no longer was I hung up on the rain, but rather was grateful it was still warm enough that I didn't have to bundle up. Spirit works through people.

We then got talking about how he was going to meet the cable company because his cable got cut off for failure to pay because he lost his job. In that moment, he needed the holy instant too - someone to listen and SEE him and tell him it was okay. He got off at the next stop.

As always, magic, love and connection are always available the second we choose to have it show up. "Help me to see this differently. Help me to see this with love." 

Your Journey Begins with a Choice to Get Up, Step Out, and Live Fully

"I know for sure: your journey begins with a choice to get up, step out, and live fully" - Oprah Winfrey

I went to the landmark forum when I was 19. It's a pretty controversial workshop, and my thoughts on it overall are mixed, but one thing I got out of it was "don't dance around the sidelines of your life." They gave the example of a sporting event with everyone on the sidelines so invested in the game, yelling with fiery passion about what to do next, and yet many of whom would never get into the game of the opportunity arose. Why? Because of fear.

The idea is: what are you fired up about? what are passionate about? Once you've established that, then ask, why am I not pursuing it? Can you get yourself to get IN the game instead of staying on the sidelines?

That doesn't necessarily mean being on the starting line up right away, but it does mean at least showing up for practice, ready to play. Commit to your light. Commit to your practice. Commit to just show up and practice for whatever it is that's lighting you up right now. Keep stoking the fire of your passions light warriors.

Where is Your Place of Peace?

Find places of repose.

Are there places that instantly bring you back to a place of calm? We don't always need to rely upon ourselves to bring ourselves back to centre. Sometimes we can rely on a place to help elevate and reconnect us.

I have this book I turn to for guidance in the mornings and I kept on opening the book to this page : find places of repose. I've had more going on since I launched love warrior, and it's been a FULL MOON which can make you energy a little more scattered. I was still meditating every day but for shorter periods and had been feeling a little off - so I took the advice that kept facing me over and over again and I found my way back to my places of repose. For me, they are at the yoga studio, this old church building that smells like incense, on my meditation block, this waterfall in an office building near me, reading in my bed... or being out for dinner at some of my favourite restaurants.

We don't have to rely on our own strength. We can rely upon our environment to bring us back - and to stay there until we find our equilibrium again. What are the places that fill you up? Find yourself there and again, there you are.

Adopting a Gratitude Practice

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings" - William Ward

Today is thanksgiving, but adopting a gratitude practice shifted my whole perspective on my life. At first it was about gratitude for the necessities: a roof over my head, a family, friends that have my back, food to eat, a warm shower. Eventually, however, gratitude unlocked for me the richness of my own human experience: the beauty of my heart beating, the depth of the melody of a song that cracked my heart open, the awesomeness of the colours of the leaves or the sky, or the magic of a smile between strangers.

What I will say is that where you attention goes, energy flows. The more I started focusing on what I was grateful for, the more I found I had to be grateful for. It's all a change of perspective.

Be Good. Do Good.

"Be Good, Do Good.
Do thou always without attachment perform action which should be done, for by performing action without attachment, man reaches the Supreme." -Sivananda

What he's saying is give your time or money or love or compassion and be helpful to others just BECAUSE - without expectation of reward or recognition or for a return. Be good and kind just because

Don't be attached to the outcome "okay so I did X and therefore SO much good karma is coming my way!" - do it just because a part of you remembers that it is your true nature to be in a state where acting in this way comes easily, naturally and effortlessly. When you're in that state of kindness, you're aligned with your highest self and your highest state - and therefore closer to source/the universe/God/oneness. This is what he is saying.

So give this weekend - give your love, your compassion, your energy, just because it is your divine right and gift to do so. Get in the flow of what you ARE - a shining, loving, open and compassionate individual here to leave the world a little better than you found it. Keep shining.

Other People's Shit is Their Own Shit - Not Yours

"How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves" - Paulo Coelho

It’s not about you.

I was sitting at the airport in Hoi An, Vietnam waiting for an early morning flight. I was the only English speaker in sight. I sat down to read my book when a young, welcoming guy sat down beside me and introduced himself. He was Hungarian but was living in Vietnam. We chatted for a little while about our travels; things I needed to check out in Vietnam, and his plans to eventually move back to Hungary. Before I boarded my flight, he added me to Facebook.

Flash forward two years to today. I haven’t spoken to this person since our pleasant exchange at the airport, until I opened my inbox to receive a message basically going on a sexist rant to me about empowered women ("you women"). He hated that I launched a business and was a lawyer. I was floored. I truly believe that your energy attracts what your bring into your life so since I put out loving and positive energy, that’s usually what I get back - but not always.

Because sometimes its not about you. Its not about anything you did wrong or you having attracted a negative situation. Sometimes its about you standing in your power and light in such a big way that it forces people to step into their darkness around you. That’s okay. It’s not about you.

When someone projects their fears, insecurities, or, in this case, hatred, onto you, allow yourself to stand in your power instead of using force. Fighting fire with fire is futile. Do whatever you can to extricate yourself from the situation - in this case I deleted this person - but do so from a place of compassion. Only those really, truly, deeply struggling would act in such a way. Remember, everyone is fighting their own battles .

Sweep Your Doorstep to Clean the World

“If every one of us were to sweep our doorstep, the world would be clean” - Mother Teresa

At last night’s debate there was a lot of talk on temperament. The whole charade got me thinking about how we choose to show up each day for the world, for our communities, and for ourselves.

It got me thinking about the micro and macro levels of the impacts our lives can have. While there are many things going on external to us, like say, a lot of uncertainty about government and policy in the next four years, that we have little control over aside from a vote, there is one thing that we can always control and that’s ourself.

The external world, our cities, our communities, our countries are always evolving in the same way we are, and in the same way that nature is. Systems break down. Things thrive and then they come back down sometimes more stable than before, sometimes less.

On the macro level, the bigger picture, we can sometimes feel helpless. There are a lot of uncertainties, but what we can control is our micro level - ourselves. Every day we can choose to be the change we wish to see. We can choose to be the light. We can choose to be kind because we wish to see a kinder world. We can choose to be honest because we wish to see a world with less deceit. We can choose to be generous because we wish to see a less economically disparate world.

As we control our internal world and make changes, there is a ripple effect. Our daily presence and daily actions ARE what change the world on a macro level - on a bigger level - but it starts with you.

Continue to choose to show up with grace today, love warriors, even if there are uncertainties about what is going on in the world. Choose to be the change. We got this.

Face Your Fear

"Look fear in the face and it will cease to bother you" - Yogananda

I still find edges all the time and then choose to push through them even when I want to shrink; to play safe, stay comfortable, take the easy route.

This past weekend I had a new edge; go to a yoga workshop. I first practiced yoga when I was 13 through a girls group I was in. All I remember is lying down at the end and as the sound of the gong vibrated through my body I felt like I was home. I played with it a bit in high school, through watching DVDs before big exams to calm myself down, and then committed to a regular practice in University that I've had, pretty much, ever since. Despite this, I used to never consider myself a yogi. Again, another resistance for reasons I'm not entirely sure.

The past three years I've dedicated much of my life to the yogic lifestyle - which is ultimately about deepening my connection to LOVE for all that is - universal love. Blissful love. Despite this - "who me? A yogi?"

So I decided to cut the BS and allow myself to deepen my practice and own that I'm on this path, which includes using movement to connect to the body, clear through blocks and feel more love. My edge was this workshop on hand balancing and transitions; things I'm not strong at yet, with a group of people I didn't know, with a teacher I rarely took class with. I danced on the edge - it was easier for me to stay home but I decided to just SHOW UP because the key to overcoming your fears is just to look them directly in the face by FACING them. Once you face them, your mind is usually pretty over them. The workshop was great.

So what's your edge this week? Where can you push yourself a tiny step forward into a fear that's calling you? I dare you! 

It's Okay to Not Know

We've never fully arrived.

Do you have resistance to admitting that you don't have it all figured out? Sure, you might have an intense vision or moment of clarity, and you've read some great books and you've been to some cool workshops and that might make your mind trick you into thinking that you've arrived - that you have life figured out - but we've never fully arrived. I say with love that there is always deeper to go.

Similarly, don't let someone else around you who exudes that they've got it all figured out let you think that they actually have. We all have deeper to go on the path, and some of us are further along it, but we're all constantly learning and evolving, and wherever you are right now is perfect. Anyone who tries to make you think that they've arrived at the end of understanding has tricked you. It's an illusion. Even the greatest enlightened masters continued to deepen their connection to and merging with source/universal love/God throughout their existence. We are all just walking each other home, and we don't fully arrive there until the very end.

I share this tonight because - BREATHE. None of us have it all figured out. We're all being led down different paths perfectly designed to teach us the lessons we need to liberate us from thinking that we were ever separate. Where you're at is perfect. If you're still super stuck in your mind, perfect. If you have a business of impact and are changing the world in that way but you still pass judgments on others, witness that. If you have felt what it was like to merge with unconditional love one time, only to spend your days wondering why you can't get back there, be with that. If you've cleared a lot of baggage lately and you're feeling blissful and loving, be with that too. Notice where you're at - and be ALL there. Allow yourself to open up to the idea that we always have deeper to go - to become more unconditionally loving, accepting, forgiving and joyful - and beyond that to merge with the essence of love that permeates every atom of energy around us. Be where you are.