Your positivity is going to piss people off, Your realness will rattle others, and that’s okay
I arrived at the airport yesterday to go on a new adventure and lead my retreat and I ducked under the partition to go and drop my bag off. “What are you doing?!” the young flight employee barked at me. “Where’s your flight? You don’t even have bag tags on your bag.” Her words and energy carried the same dull blue colour of her uniform.
“Whoa.” A small smile emerged from me. “It’s okay. I’m just trying to drop my bag off. Everything is okay.”
I’ve shared with others my career aspirations, and I’ve been met with criticism: “You’ll work all the time. You’ll have no time to spend with your family. You’re never going to meet a guy if you’re doing that.”
I also work as a litigator in a profession that is inherently combative and adversarial, where individuals are swept into the legal process and under extreme stress, which can the perfect breeding ground for low-vibe behaviour.
The week prior I had a person involved in one of the litigation files I am counsel on insinuate that I was I incompetent to handle the file because of my age. I get it – I look young – but it doesn’t take away from the legal degree hanging on my wall or my six years of experience practicing.
Or let’s talk about that time where I put myself on national television to be subject to people repeatedly commenting that I was “crazy” and “desperate” and “too much” for being in touch with my emotions in an isolating environment or having an expressive face.
As you, my love warriors, continue to rise, you’ll be met with more and more negativity. Your light and authenticity can be blinding or uncomfortable for others. Your positivity will piss some people off. Your realness will rattle others, and that’s okay.
Here’s the thing with negativity: it’s always their own stuff. You are simply a mirror. The more that you can stay grounded in that, the more you become able to let negativity bounce off of you.
Step 1: Is it true?
If you feel affected by the comment, ask yourself: is it true? The only way that a comment can really bother us is if somewhere deep down we believe it’s true too. If there’s a part of you that still believe it’s true, it’s time to do some reflecting on why you believe that limiting story. At the same time, it might also be time to reflect and see if you need to clean up some of your own behaviour. Maybe you have gotten caught up in your ego and need to connect back into your heart.
When I was first practicing law I would get comments all the time about my age. It used to trigger in me a whole spiral when I would get those comments because part of me still believed that it was true that I was too inexperienced or young to be able to do my job well – which wasn’t true at all. I had to do some work around unravelling that story.
Step 2: Find the compassion – you are simply a mirror
The next step is to find compassion for the other person. It truly is someone who hasn’t healed an area of themselves, or opened up to a new way of being, or is failing to be honest about how they are feeling, that is going to project undue criticism or negativity.
Your positivity is too much for someone who is in victim mode, or your passion for life might be too much for those who are lacking clarity around their own life and failing to take responsibility for it. The way you look might trigger someone else’s own insecurities. Your authenticity might bother people who find it difficult to be real. Have compassion for where they are at, knowing that you are simply triggering something in them, and forge ahead. It’s not personal.
Step 3: Hold Space for the Negativity without Reacting
Someone else’s fire does not need to be met with your own fire. They also don’t need to be told to just “be more positive”. Instead, be the mirror. Acknowledge how the other person is feeling and hold a calm, open presence, letting the negativity bounce off of you. Eventually their own negativity will stop in that mirror.
A Course in Miracles says: “in my defenselessness my safety lies.” Meaning, when someone is being negative, we don’t need to react back to it, fuelling the fire.
Step 4: Remove Yourself from the Negativity
Remove yourself from the person who is negative, or the space that breeds that negativity. Remove the negative comments from your feed, or delete the negative text. Your space – whether it’s in your physical surroundings or online – is sacred. Remove the negativity from it.
Step 5: Clear the Space
If you’re still feeling funky about it, you can clear your energy through any number of ways:
- Putting your hands on a tree or the earth to ground the energy off of youl
- Using a sage stick or palo santo smoke to get negative energy off of yourself;
- Taking a long shower or bath and picturing the negative energy washing off of you as you wash yourself;
- Going through a movement practice and set the intention to shake off whatever energy from other people is still stuck on you.
I hope this helps you. Keep SHINING, my friend. The world needs your light.