"Those Who Dance Are Considered Insane by Those Who Can’t Hear the Music"
Last year, this exact same time, I hopped on a plane to Costa Rica after being led there through a series of synchronicities. What I thought I was going to do was catch rays, do some yoga, and connect with some new people.
What happened was drastically different.
Instead I was faced with the methodical dissolution of everything I thought I was - a total dissolution of "self", realizing that all constructs I had - and we all have - about who I am is merely a construct and not true. They're just an idea in our mind and an illusion.
Looking up at the sun for early sun gazing with our shaman with my heart exploding with intense surges of loving energy, I realized that "I am" just spirit - essence - a being grounding the same light as the sun. I AM source. I AM the universe. I am not a self or "Catie". I was and only ever am - love. "I am" just another part of nature, just as everything else is. There is no control, just unfolding.
Dissolving your entire construct of self and separation is no effing joke. It was really scary - if I'm not this - everything I thought I was - then what AM I. I am just a being... being? Watching it all unfold like a flower does? How do I even function in a world that also has been given meaning that isn't real? I ended up learning to support on Mother Nature to support me, guide me and protect me while I contemplated these questions.
It took me a long time to integrate that realization, and now, a year later, I feel ready to jump back into the jungle to dissolve and release anything else left between me and the illusion of separation that still lingers.
All there ever was, and is, is the essence of spirit/source/God in everything. It is spontaneously unfolding in perfect alignment, always.
In the meantime, for this trip, more yoga, more rays, and hopefully less of a smackdown than I had last year.
My excitement comes from being so enthused about the infinite possibilities for how each moment will unfold - the magic, the love, and the transformation that I am sure are on the other side.