Remember in grade school where there would be those posters on the wall that said “if you can dream it, you can do it” alongside other posters that stated “aim for the moon. If you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” I think most of us got used to seeing these motivational posters lining our classroom walls that we forgot to let the messages really sink in.
In 2006, the book the book the Secret came out and it was a total game changer. I was nineteen and the idea that our thoughts could create our reality, and that merely by coming up with a powerful vision for something, we could magnetize it to us, blew my mind. At first I started with small things: I wanted to make $20.00 through only spare change and found pennies, then dimes, then quarters, and then random dollar bills floating along the streets. I next experimented with grades at school, followed by the types of guys I wanted to date, followed by the type of job that I wanted to get for the summer, to more innocuous things like finding the perfect jumpsuit for an event.
Eventually, I decided to write out the whole vision for my future life. Back in 2012, I took stock of where I and felt amazed that I was standing with two feet firmly planted in the life I had envisioned so many years prior. I really do believe that we can create anything we want for ourselves in our lives and that our power to manifest things is real.
As many of you are aware, in the summer of 2016 I decided that I wanted to create a new vision of what I had been looking for in a partner. This was not the first time that I had done this. In fact, I had been doing this since I first came across the law of attraction when I was a teenager.
After dating a bunch of guys who were basically one shade off from another for several years, I decided I was going to date outside of my box and started to joke with my friends and family that I was simply looking for “soulmate Chris” after my intuitive told me that my soulmate was named Chris.
Eventually some of my friends tired of this non-descriptive description. In the span of one week in the Summer of 2016 I had three dinners in a row where three different friends asked me, “okay, but seriously, what are you looking for?”
I absolutely love dating and getting to know people, but the issue was that in the summer of 2016 I was about to launch my business and knew that the coming year was going to be busy as I would be juggling practicing law full time with running workshops. I decided that I was going to put dating on hold for the most part, and instead came up with an idea of what I was looking for and vowed that I would simply recognize it when I saw it.
Yes, that person might be tall and athletic, but more importantly, I wrote out how this person would make me feel, what types of things we would do together, and how we would inspire one another
Nearly a year later, after a series of things aligned, I ended up on the Bachelor. When I met Chris Leroux, he absolutely met the physical description I had carefully written out months prior, and there was always an ease between us. “This is insane,” my mind thought. "Here I am on this TV show, and the guy meets my description of what I wanted to manifest, his name is Chris, and we get along like old pals." Just like that, I allowed myself to get swept up in my mind instead of staying grounded in my heart about what was actually happening.
Yogananda (who brought yoga and meditation to the West) writes in Autobiography of a Yogi: "Attachment is blinding; it lends an imaginary halo of attractiveness to the object of desire."
I got blinded.
There were several conversations we had where I started to get that similar “tug-tug-something is off” feeling in my heart, but chose to ignore it because I was letting my mind run the show. Chris advised that he was not self-reflective at all. He was super awkward about yoga, which is a huge passion of mine. He repeatedly said he was intimidated by me and my life. At any point along the way I could have chosen to see the situation clearly, but was blinded by my attachment to the story. With that in mind, Chris also gave me a lot of validation to suggest that my story was correct and that we would be together at the end of the journey (or jour-naayyyy as I exclusively called it), so it further evidenced to my mind that this all made sense and was right.
Because I was so wrapped up in the story, I forgot to connect to my heart and discern whether this was actually what I wanted, whether this person was a good match for me, or whether this person was even on the same wavelength as me. I forgot to evaluate whether I should stick around with someone who repeatedly suggested that my enthusiasm for life, which is my favourite quality about myself, was too much. When we get attached to the vision we have created, it truly does create this light that blinds us from turning inward and connecting with our heart to evaluate whether something actually feels good and should stay in our life.
When we get blinded by a story and project it onto whatever is in front of us – be it a partner, the job we always wanted, the place we thought we wanted to live, or the life that we thought we always wanted – and get caught in believing our mind, which will confirm to us that it whatever it is “makes sense” instead of tuning in with our heart to determine whether it actually feels good, eventually the Universe will typically give us a SMACKDOWN. Our lives are not supposed to be a series of things that unfold linearly and make sense to the mind. Rather, our lives are meant to be marked by the flowing of things that make our heart feel happy, secure, and joyful. The heart will help you design a life that feels magical and fulfilling. The mind will create a life that makes logical sense, but often leaves you feeling disenchanted and searching for more. I knew this, but I allowed myself to forget it.
After all, this was not my first rodeo with this issue (see “My Story”). Here’s the thing with lessons: you keep learning them until you get the point. The universe will repeatedly humble you the second you get a spiritual ego of “having it all figured out”.
In this situation with Chris, I got a smackdown alright. The look on my face was pure shock. I have truly never been so shocked in my life, but it goes to show just how blinded I was. In that moment, the illusion lifted and I had to face the fact that I had allowed myself to be blinded. As I exited, I felt bewildered but also mad. I was infuriated. Instead of taking full responsibility, I was first mad at him for making a decision I was not expecting. Relationships are only mirrors, however, and I soon realized that I was actually frustrated with myself for not having not seen it sooner. I really didn’t know this person that well, it had felt off, and I had been swept up in the story because he met the description of what I was manifesting.
When I got home, it was immediately clear just how blinded I had been. It was easy to see the truth that while this person may have been a soulmate as we went through this wild experience together, he was truly not supposed to be my life partner. Friends are amazing mirrors to hold space for what you already know to be true. What I grappled with for a long time, however, was not getting over this person (that was easy), but rather, debating with myself how I could have been so blinded to the truth.
It became an opportunity for me to witness again how strong my ego mind can be, and how clearly the voice of the ego or the mind will take over the voice of all-knowing, loving, intuitive heart.
How did this happen? One of the biggest ways that I learned to silence the mind and drop into the heart is through regular meditation, yoga, and journaling, which were all practices I found difficult to do while filming given the schedule and the fact that we are around each other all the time. I came back from this experience to remember that these things are truly non-negotiable for me. If I fail to practice them, my mind will take over strongly, and I will believe whatever crazy story or idea it tells me is true.
I also learned that the Universe has your back so hard that when you’ve gone astray and you’ve listened to the ego mind’s voice for too long, it’ll give you a spiritual smackdown to land you on your ass to force you to get quiet and drop back into the heart. Talk about tough love.
I realized that I truly am a powerful creator. We all are. The fact that I ended up on the Bachelor with a guy who actually met the description of what I wanted to manifest and was named Chris is insane, but it goes to show how we can manifest anything we want into our life, often in the most unexpected of ways. The key, however, is to make sure that you are creating your vision based on what your heart wants as opposed to what your mind thinks "makes sense". Our mind can only create based upon things that it has seen or experienced before, but the heart can tune into what would feel good, what is for our highest growth, or what we actually want, deep down.
Here's where I’m at now: give up the story and surrender. Interestingly, I set the intention at the beginning of the year to learn how to give up control and truly, truly surrender.
When we surrender the story and instead focus on how we want to feel when that thing we want to manifest arrives, we become a vibrational match for that or something better. At this point, I realize that there is so much more magic that can unfold where I let go of the details of what I want to show up in my life and instead trust that the Universe will give me something far beyond what my mind can picture if I just stop trying to control what it looks like. Surrendering the story keeps me free to continue release other the things in my life that I am holding onto because my mind has created a story around them and tells me that I "should" want when my heart says they no longer resonate any longer. In other words, I have to continually remind myself that my mind doesn't know shit, and that as long as I am following my heart and doing the things that may me feel good, I'm always on path and the right things will show up for me at the right time
I always trust that life is unfolding for my highest good. The Universe always has my back. I trust that the opportunities that align with the things I love to do, like share my stories publicly, write, and support people to get out of their heads and back into their hearts, will always flow to me in truly magical ways if I’m paying attention to the signs and making sure that I embody happiness and love.
If you want to learn how to begin the practice of connecting with your intuitive heart and your soul, and how to start unravel the fears and the crazy ideas of your mind, start working through my free soul map. Remember, it's a journey. The learning never stops. The surprises never cease. But one thing I know, for sure, is that it is always a wonderful, fascinating, magical ride.
P.S. I completely trust that I will be sent the most amazing partner far beyond what my mind could envision now that I’ve learned to let go of the image of what the person looks like or what their GD name is. Let the magic continue...